my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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