He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
