What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
