I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
