Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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