my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
