you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
