I just made out with a guy for $7.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
why is half of my head shaved?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
