Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
