Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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