i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
