good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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