I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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