you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
