When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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