she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
