fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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