I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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