If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
