Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So drunk its hurt
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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