that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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