your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
