You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
