so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
