I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
