I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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