smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
