No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
