Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
