please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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