I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Pooping to opera.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
