It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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