I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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