mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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