you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
