You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
