When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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