she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
