things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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