i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
