im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
