My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
