I skipped work to stalk him.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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