Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
