Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
