I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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