my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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