i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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