Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
