Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
