??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
