How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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