we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So squirting runs in the family.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
