If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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