Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
