You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
