Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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