i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
A+ Viking dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
