I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
