I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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