omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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