matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
