How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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