id be glad to
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
