Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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