his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
